Sometimes you wake up one morning and nothing makes sense.
You’ve been the cheerleader, the support group, the guide. You’ve made yourself smile every day even when you didn’t feel that way. But you know that sometimes it’s what keeps you positive instead of getting down. You make calls. Invite out friends. Work really hard at your job and do the best work you can and sometimes more. You’ve gone the extra mile. You’ve attended all the seminars, taken all the classes. Kept your house clean. You’ve kept your clothes pressed so that you can have something gorgeous to wear every day that inspires happiness and a little sex appeal in yourself. Sent beautiful cards to family and friends for no reason. Treated yourself to beautiful days of your favorite things. Taken walks just for the pleasure of the day or night. Tended your garden, and the millions of little things that you don’t even think about in the day just to be human.
Then suddenly it all goes wrong. It all feels wrong. What’s the point? What’s the purpose? Does anyone want what you give? Do you? Everything looks so ridiculous, vapid and ugly. And there is nothing that can soothe the pain inside that makes you feel utterly useless and most of all feel like giving up. Do you give in?
I do. I give in completely. It’s the only thing to do on those days. Because if I don’t give in I won’t make it out of that fire alive. And truthfully, all I really want is to live, fully, beautifully, with purpose and with intention.